What do therapists ACTUALLY do?
Recently someone asked me what I do and whether I have a blog about it. I hesitantly told them yes and added, “But it’s a new blog, and I really need to write more blog posts that speak specifically to my services.” Hence, the title of this blog post.
Many people are especially surprised when I tell them I see 100% of my clients via telehealth.
Many wonder whether therapy can be good if it’s not “in person” via physical office visits. However, people who have tried video sessions have great things to say about their experiences, and studies show that telehealth is sometimes MORE helpful for clients than in-office visits!
Therapy can be difficult to describe to someone who has never attended therapy, or who has never seen a good therapist before. The truth is, there are good therapists and bad therapists out there!
One of the best ways for me to describe what happens in therapy might be to share a personal story. In this story, I was the client. Although I was already in graduate school to become a therapist, I was about to have my first experience participating in therapy as a client.
While I was in graduate school, a friend of mine wanted to spend some time talking about some of her life issues. So we met at a local park and sat for hours sharing our stories. The sun gradually went down, but there were lots of people still walking through the park and steady two-way traffic driving close by. To make a long story short, my friend and I were shocked when two men suddenly approached us, demanding that we get down on the ground, and give them our cell phones. I tried to run away, but my friend was being held at gunpoint, and I did not want to leave her alone. When I gave my cell phone to one of the men, they ran away, and my friend and I went to find help.
What surprised me most about this traumatic event (besides the fact that there was a gun involved), was how calm I was during the entire encounter and while talking with the police. I stayed calm for hours, until finally the floodgates opened up later that night. Once I got alone in my room and realized how serious the situation was, I cried like a newborn baby. Eventually, I fell asleep. The next morning, I felt extremely fragile on my way to work and could not hold back tears while sitting at my desk. Thankfully, my supervisor scheduled an “emergency therapy session” for me later that day and sent me home.
This was going to be my first ever therapy session, which felt a little strange, given that I was currently in my first year of graduate school to become a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT).
In the waiting room, I felt a little nervous and I wondered what it would be like to see a therapist for the first time. I remember feeling grateful to be seen so quickly, especially since the level of intensity I was experiencing emotionally was confusing, and a first for me.
When I finally made it into the the therapy room, my therapist started briefly with introductions. Then, she simply asked me what happened. I started telling the entire story with lots of detail. I was definitely giving her what some would call a “word vomit” for about 20 minutes.
The therapist abruptly stopped me in the middle of my word vomit story to help me with something (I did not know at the time) called “psycho-education” about trauma. She began to explain to me what what happening, and how my brain was processing this unexpected event. She also explained that I would heal from this trauma if I continued to do what works well:
Continue to tell my story to people who are safe for me. The more I re-tell (or even think about) the story while feeling safe, the more my brain re-learns the memory as just that: a memory (not a current threat or crisis).
Continue to practice self-care, beyond just taking a day off. Learn what helps my brain and body to truly rest, such as listening to worship music, spending time with family and friends, exercising, using scented candles, taking a bath instead of a shower, listening to the nature sounds wafting through my window, or just pausing from work for a few minutes.
Continue to listen to my emotions as indicators, not dictators. Triggers may invoke strong emotions such as fear, anxiety and depression. Those emotions can help to bring attention to important information such as, “Something about this doesn’t feel right… what is it?” However, emotions don’t always provide very good directions about what to do with that information. For example, anxiety might pop up to inform me, “It’s dark out here, just like it was when your life was in danger… Let’s get ready to run, because I’m pretty sure your life is in danger right now.” Instead of letting anxiety determine my next steps, I understand anxiety is giving me good information, “Darkness can be unsafe” and I decide for myself what to do with that information, “Prepare my car keys in advance so I don’t have to be outside very long.” Once I’ve decided what to do with the information, then I can inform my anxiety, “It is dark out here, but crimes of opportunity only happen when there is an opportunity, so here are the various ways I will prevent an opportunity right now… plus, I have to get in my car.”
So, what did the therapist actually do? She provided a safe space for me to share. She offered knowledge, as well as the wisdom to apply it. She offered herself as a “mirror” or a sounding board, so that I could stop assuming what was going on with me, and see with greater clarity what was actually happening inside. What she did for me in just one emergency session was invaluable.
That is what therapists do. They specialize in the intangibles, and help people to get a grasp on the abstract. Therapists help you to organize your thoughts, clarify your decisions, and ultimately, change your life for the better.
Notice I said they help YOU to do all of those things. Therapists are skilled in facilitating change, not forcing it. Therapy works best when there is a healthy collaboration between therapist and client. You, as the client, are the expert in your own life. The therapist will never be able to tell you what it is like to be YOU in the world. You must come with that information and expertise, ready to work alongside someone who is an expert in change.
And that, my friends, is what (good) therapists actually do… they change your life for the better.
P.S. This is the first of many blogs I plan to write about what I do. There are so many (thousands, maybe even millions) of ways therapists are helpful to clients, but I will focus on what happens in Renew Therapy, so that others can learn more about what to expect from working with me. :)